IF GOD WERE A PROGRAMMER…

Some important theological questions can best be answered by
thinking of God as a computer programmer:

Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?
A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and
candy bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his
girlfriend had left him.

Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically
and he logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise, things
can wait until tomorrow.

Q: How come the Age of Miracles ended?
A: That was the development phase of the project. Now we’re in the
maintenance phase.

Q: Who is Satan?
A: Satan is an MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he
actually possesses, so nonprogrammers become scared of him. God
thinks he’s irritating but irrelevant.

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Mumbai Anthem

Hey Mumbai tere bandhe hum,
Yeh kaise kiye hum-par situm,
Na railways chale, na BEST chale,
Paidal chalte huwe nikle dum.

Waise office-se jaldi nikle hum,
Jamke station-thak badhaaye kadam,
Hum khade the magar, gaadi ki na khabar,
Toota ummeed-ka papaddum.
Aake baahar jab pheri nazar,
Dekha Bambai bana tha gutter,
Na auto chale aur na taxi rukhe,
Ab kaise karenge safar.

Hua baarishse yun saamna,
Na kahin bijali, koi phone na,
MTNL kho gaya, Ambani bhi so gaya,
Andheremein hamein chod diya,
Cell-phone bhi kare gadbadam,
Yeh kaisa bada sankatam,
Bhejemein fikr aur kuch na clear,
Bheegke tan man hua bahut naram.

Thoda rukhke maine saans li,
Yaad aane laga family,
Biwi tum ho kidhar, bachhee hain kya udhar,
Ya kahin phas jaayenge raat-bhar,
Ab kaise karenge aur sabr,
Kare koi na aisa suffer,
Mere dilmein fear, aankhonmein tear,
Tension chadne laga ekdum.